The fiction writers' motto 'show don't tell' is also relevant for business and marketing writers. Telling relies on exposition, while showing uses evocative description. Compare:

First draft: It was a typical blue-collar apartment.

Final draft: She led the way into the living room. It had only two bookcases, one holding bowling trophies and the other mostly CDs. There was a paperback book splayed open face down on the coffee table — a Harlequin Romance. Copies of The National Enquirer and TV Guide sat atop a television set that looked about fifteen years old. http://www.sfwriter.com/ow04.htm

In business and marketing writing you can use 'showing' to create mental pictures of your products and services. For example, a brochure promoting investment in shares says:

'If you had put $1 in the bank in the year 1802, by 1997 it would have been worth just $2,180.

If you had invested $1 in property for that same time, it would be worth $574,407.

If you had invested $1 in stocks in 1802, by 1997 that dollar would have been worth $7,500,000.' (mci Technologies Pty Ltd)

You can also use 'showing' to flesh out abstract concepts and give them life. For example, the horrors of war may be depicted by a child's shoe abandoned in a pockmarked street.

Fat and skinny words
Another way of thinking about 'show don't tell' is to think of fat and skinny words.

Take the word 'automobile'. Moving upwards in abstraction and using 'fatter' words, our automobile becomes a 'wheeled passenger vehicle', 'surface transportation', 'a mode of transport' and a 'major force in the world's economy'.

Make the same word skinnier and you get words like 'sedan', 'Honda sedan', 'blue Honda sedan' and 'Jane's blue four-door Honda sedan'.

Whether you use fat or skinny words depends on your audience and what you want to achieve with your writing. Fat words would frustrate someone who wants the details, but would be appropriate for senior management who want big picture scenarios and don't have time for specifics.

Next time you're writing, ask yourself whether your words are OK the weight they are, or if they need to get fatter or skinnier.

Fat and skinny words are described further at http://www.fripp.com

If you enjoyed this article, you may also wish to read:

How to write a winning business proposal
How to write direct marketing mail
Technical writing meets marketing
Persuasive writing tips
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